They creep up on us just when we’re not looking!!!!…At first, quietly, unobtrusively………for a while. Then, they begin to gain in power and strength…no longer to be ignored!
After a while…they strengthen their hold on you; they entrench themselves into your mind… and you begin obsessing just a little as the feelings gain in intensity.
Then, without a word of warning, you wake up one morning feeling this enormous sensation of (anger, fear, hurt, grief etc…) gripping you. You are totally overwhelmed with the feeling. You don’t understand where it came from; but mostly you want it to go away; that would be the natural reaction to the situation, no? So you reach for a cigarette, a drink…new clothes…some sort of sedative… anything to silence the voices within.
Another scenario would be that regardless of all the pain, frustration or ager you may have withstood throughout the years…you’re FINE!!!! A little tense, wound up maybe…possibly irritable and restless, some even anxious …but, YOU’RE FINE! Congratulations!!! You’ve managed to push your feelings underground. You’ve; suppressed them so you won’t feel them…its easier that way isn’t it?
Here’s the thing though. These feelings of yours are going to need an outlet or they will begin becoming toxic and threaten to affect your body and mind.
For example: if there were too much fire and lava inside a volcano with no outlet because the crater was blocked, the fire would create a new outlet. It would simply explode itself a new crater. We are so very similar to the nature that created us.
The moral of the story is that there’s no escape; not if you want to feel whole. Feeling whole requires dealing with all feelings, not just the good ones! Now I’m not saying it won’t be difficult at times; nor am I saying you cannot get some periodic relief with medication. What I am saying is that when we suppress our feelings, particularly for extended periods of time, we become emotionally stuck. We become unable to feel not only the challenging feelings, but also the ones that would bring us joy and a connection to our inner selves.
Many of us are out of touch with our feelings; in our present society it’s not really o.k. to feel bad so we look for quick fixes because it hurts and we want it to go away. Whatever the cause of our discontent or pain may be, if we cannot find someone who cares about us and will listen, or if we get negative responses to the expression of these feelings, we learn to suppress them. The energy of these suppressed feelings, however, remains within our bodies because it has no outlet, eventually causing emotional and physical discomfort; the end result being that we become numb inside, even somewhat deadened.
Some of my inspiration comes from Louise Hay who has written several books on how we can return to our joy. Louise cured herself of very serious cancer. Another of my sources is Shakti Gawain; also an author. Other sources of inspiration are Candace B.Pert, Ph.D., and Bruce H Lipton, Ph.D. both of whom have written about the science behind mind – body medicine.
Shakti Gawain says: On the emotional level, it is our resistance to a feeling that causes us pain. If, because we are afraid of a certain feeling, we suppress it, we will experience emotional pain, eventually even physical pain. There are no ‘negative or positive’ feelings – we make them negative or positive by our rejection or acceptance of them. So what are we to do? Let’s take a look at how to begin handling some of them. According to Shakti Gawain:
FEAR: the most important thing we can do when faced with fear is not to reject it, but to accept both ourselves for feeling the fear as well as accepting the fear itself .She counsels us not to try to push ourselves past our fears which will with time diminish its intensity, and will actually help move us into feeling more secure.
SADNESS: Give yourself permission to feel the sadness – to cry. This allows you to express the feeling and will actually open your heart.
GRIEF: This is an intense form of sadness which comes when we are literally parting with something or someone who has been important in our lives. Grief can sometimes last for quite a while. Allow yourself to grieve fully and give yourself as much support as you need.
HURT: This is an expression of vulnerability which we most often tend to mask with either defensiveness or blame. If possible,Shakti counsels us to express hurt directly and in a non-blaming way.
ANGER: This feeling surfaces most often when we have allowed someone or something to have too much power over us. It is important to recognize that this is about your own power to make choices that are best for you, not power over others. It would be helpful if you can express anger in a constructive way either by talking to a friend or a counselor or by creating a safe situation for its expression. You could for example write a letter expressing your feelings and then burn it.
There are of course situations so intense that they need to be dealt with by a professional…give yourself permission to do that as well; it takes courage to tackle our feelings head-on sometimes, but you are worth it!
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